It’s been widely reported that the Pope used a homophobic slur in private conversations, and when it was reported to the public, the pope made a rare public apology. While I’m glad that the Pope made a public statement on the issue, the apology doesn’t go far enough, and it shows why clergy of all faiths need to do better when it comes to addressing, and making reparations for, actions which cause harm.
It would be easy to dismiss this situation due to Catholicism’s conservative stances and past history. However, doing so would cause harm to those working to improve inclusiveness and awareness within the Catholic faith, and allow others to dismiss their bad actions. As a polytheist who has been in and around the pagan faith, on one hand the decentralized nature of our religion appeals to many people harmed by organized religion, but it also allows harmful acts to hide in the shadows.
I want to look specifically at the text of the statement, why it doesn’t go far enough, and how it can encourage us as clergy to do better.
The pope’s statement, released through email by Vatican spokesman Matteo Bruni, reads in part “The pope never intended to offend or express himself in homophobic terms, and he apologises to those who felt offended by the use of a term reported by others.”
A good apology acknowledges what happened, explains it, expresses remorse, and offers to make amends. (Harvard Health)
The pope’s apology fails many of these criteria. Yes, it explains what happened, but it doesn’t explain how it happened. There’s been speculation that the pope, not being a native speaker of Italian, didn’t know the meaning of the word, but that has also had push back with others saying he did. It does not offer to make amends, and most importantly it does not express remorse.
The phrase “apologises to those who felt offended” is a common one used in apologies, and while it may sound good on the surface, it puts the responsibility for feeling offended on the one harmed, not the one who actually committed the offense.
So how can clergy do better?
First take full responsibility. We’re all human; we’re going to cause offense or harm at some point or another in our lives, and it’s foolish to believe that we won’t. When you do, take responsibility. I’m sorry I (did a thing) because it caused harm. I take full responsibility and (here are the steps I put in place to ensure it doesn’t happen again. How can I make this right?
Second, call out harm when you see it. If there are bad actors in your community, call them out and invite them to change. If they don’t, make sure they’re not welcome in your community and more importantly tell others about it. Not in a smear campaign sort of way, but if someone comes to you as a member of the clergy and says “I was harmed by (person/organization), and I need help”, don’t just tell them “Oh, we know those people are bad” and then offer to do nothing.
No, it isn’t your responsibility to clean up the mess someone else made, but it is your responsibility to do no harm. Whether you’re following ahisma (non-violence), the threefold law (Wicca), or just the Golden Rule (of which all major religions have some variant of), as someone in authority, it is your job not to cause further harm by dismissing or worse, gaslighting, the person coming to you for help.
I see the role of the clergy in the Aikyam Society, as well as more broadly, to be mitigators of harm. Help where you can. Look for the helpers. If someone comes to you seeking support, offer it to the best of your ability. And if that support is beyond your ability, then say so, but also have some suggestions for people. Don’t leave them hanging.
We can use the pope’s apology as a lesson to all of us. It didn’t go far enough, and more importantly, it didn’t fulfill our sacred role as clergy.